


Mona Lisa

by Rockym82



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Nudity, Stripping, Suggested...things, Umm...France
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 08:09:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2540567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rockym82/pseuds/Rockym82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 1911 and the famous painting has been stolen from the Louvre museum in France’s house!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mona Lisa

“Mr. France, sir, this is terrible! The Mona Lisa. It’s been stolen!” the museum employee frantically yell, and awaited for his country to spring into action.

And waited… and waited…

“Uhhh…Mr. France?” The museum employee said again loudly and stared at the blond nation. Or rather, stared at the back of his nation.

“Ah, such a glorious victory for us!” France continued to flirt with the two lovely ladies in front of him, not even noticing the museum employee behind him, while his hands trailed the top of their dresses.

“Err…” 

France laughed as he reached the thrilling conclusion to his story, the ladies joining in the laughter.

“Sir.”

The ladies frowned at the employee who was trying to take the powerful man’s attention away from them. Luckily, the ladies focusing on him also caught France’s notice.

“Hmm?” France looked over his shoulder, his hair swishing and settling with finesse, as he looked over the employee. “What have we here?”

“Ah, the Mona Lisa…” the employee meekly continued.

“What about it?” he curtly asked.

“It’s been stolen, sir!”

France blinked a few times, processing the information, and tilted his head to the side.

“So…uhh…you see, sir, we need too…”

“Nonsense!” France waved a fore finger in giant strokes. “Tsk, as if someone would dare steal from the Louvre, let alone the Mona Lisa! Ha! Ridiculous.” The ladies started giggling and the museum employee felt the newfound embarrassing heat in his cheeks.  
“B-but it really has been stolen…if you would just come and see…”

“Hey girls. I promised you a grand tour, didn’t I?” France asked the ladies and they smiled and nodded. “Well, then…” France took a step, wrapping his arms around their waists, his wrists resting on their hips, his hands even lower, “Let’s go!” and started leading the ladies down a hallway.

“W-wait, sir!” the museum employee shouted, seeing where they were headed. “You’re going in the wrong direction!” and ran after them.

Meanwhile, in the next hallway over, Prussia stared at the globs of paint in front of him.

“This is so damn boring…” he said.

“If it’s boring, then go back to your house,” Germany told his brother, not taking his eyes off the painting in front of him.

“No way! France is gonna meet up with us later and then we’ll have some fun!”

“Urgh!” Germany recalled the last time he was met France. “I just may go home myself then.” He shook his head as he moved to admire the next painting.

Prussia looked at the next globs of paint with the same enthusiasm as with the last globs: None whatsoever. “Geez,“ he complained as he dug a finger into his nose, “why can’t you be into something cool…” he mumbled as he inspected the haul before flicking it onto the wall.

“Ah!” Germany grabbed his handkerchief, horrified at his brother’s actions, and removed the gunk. “These are priceless paintings! What would have happened if you got this,” he shook the dirty handkerchief in front of Prussia, “on one of them?”

Prussia shrugged and said with all certainty: “They’d just get more awesome with a little bit of me on them.”

“Disgusting! I am never taking you sight seeing with me again.”

“Oh what? Now you‘re doing me a favor?” The German brothers started to bicker, not even noticing the couple walking past them.

“Just keep moving,” Austria said quietly to Hungary. “Maybe they won’t see us.” It’s not as if they wanted to be rude, but frankly, the two of them needed some peace and quiet together. Somehow upon seeing those two here, they wondered about the success of their plan. Upon rounding the corner, they had a feeling not much. 

“Ms. Hungary, Austria! I didn’t know you two were here.” 

“Hello, Italy.” Hungary smiled fondly at the young man running up to hug them. “How have you’ve been?” she asked while Austria sighed.

“Mm! I’ve been good!” Italy chirped as he hugged them. “I’m so happy seeing all these paintings again.” He smiled brightly and twirled around. “I want to see them lots and lots, so I hope my big brother France will give them back to me today.”

“France is here too, is he?” Austria asked. Though he felt he shouldn’t be surprised.

“Yeah, he’s suppose to be, but I haven’t seen him yet.” Italy glanced from side to side. “I wonder where he is?” He got an idea and chuckled. “Maybe he‘s hiding.” 

“If he’s hiding, then you better start looking for him.” Hungary smiled at him.

Italy saluted. “Yes, ma’am!” He chuckled once again and started jogging, his hands held out to the sides, down the hallway.

Austria smiled at Hungary. “That’s one less noise.”

“Oh, stop.” She waved her hand downward at him and watched as Italy disappeared around a corner. “He’s grown up so much…”

“You sure about that?” Austria begrudgingly said. “To me it looks like he was just wearing a rather oversized coat.”

“Huh. You’re right. I didn’t notice…”

“Yeah, how could you not notice the awesomeness that’s me!” 

Austria and Hungary sighed; so much for a peaceful afternoon.

“Ah, Prussia, Germany.” Austria and Hungary turned around to greet them. “What brings you two here today?”

“Tsk, it’s all West’s idea.”

“You don’t have to stay, brother…”

“No way. The trip just got a little more interesting.” Prussia smirked at Austria and Hungary.

“It certainly has…” Hungary grimaced at sight of Prussia . “You two are here, France is here, Italy…”

“Italy?” Germany perked up at the name.

“Oh, have you ever met Italy before, Germany?“ Hungary asked.

“No…but I would like to. I mean, it would be interesting to meet the grandson of the Roman Empire.”

“What?” Prussia gave his brother a shove. “France is also a grandson of the Roman Empire or did you forget that already?”

Germany made a disgusted face. “Yeah…but that’s France.” Hungary and Austria had to nod in agreement: France was…certainly without equal. Then the four started moving down the hallway, enjoying (or at least three of them were enjoying) the paintings.

“I can’t…I can’t believe this…” the museum employee complained as he sat down rubbing his hands through his hair in aggravation. “So much time has past and nothing has been done…” He could hear the laughter of France and his two ladies friends from a short distance away. “Doesn’t anyone care that the Mona Lisa has been stolen?” he practically yelled.

“Huh?” France, hearing the noise, glanced over his shoulder again. “You’re still here?” France asked rather rudely.

“Yes. I’m still here, sir. You know what’s not here? The Mona Lisa!” 

“Pleh, you’re still on about that? Have some faith.”

“Faith has nothing to do with it, sir…”

France’s ladies started laughing again and suggested they should see the Mona Lisa; just for fun, not to confirm the employee’s story, who cares about that guy anyway. The museum employee felt like crying, but who cared? They were finally going to see the truth!

France took the lead, of course, and the employee followed. “Ah, Mr. France, sir, we’ve been trying to get a hold of the museum’s director, but we’re having so such luck. Thank goodness you are here to…”

“Hmm? You girls hear something?” France knowingly asked. The ladies laughed and the employee again felt the heat in his face. He wanted to remain content with the fact they were finally going to see the proof, but he knew, to be professional in job, he had to keep France up to date about the details. Or at least he tried until someone else interrupted him.

“Hey, France, what gives?” Shouted England from down the hallway. “I came all this way, and it’s not even here.”

France scoffed, not even know what was being referred too (except the museum employee) and let go of the ladies, ready for a fight, whether verbal or physical. “What are you talking, England?” he asked with a haughty tone in his voice. “What’s missing?”

England pointed back down the hallway. “The Mona Lisa, you dumb frog.”

“Ridiculous,” France announced and started walking ahead. “What is with the ridiculous people today,” he stopped in front, “saying the Mona Lisa has been…been…” where once hung the Mona Lisa, now remained just the four pegs in the wall. “…been…”

The wheels in France’s head turned rapidly as he stared at the blank spot on the wall. So engrossed was he, he didn’t even notice two more patrons arriving.

“Like, isn’t that famous lady painting suppose to be here?” Poland asked.

“Haha!” Spain laughed. “Yeah, that’s right. Hmm.” Spain tapped his chin. “Sometimes they take the painting off display to photograph them…”

“The photographers!” France yelled. Hope rekindled! “The photographers must have…”

“We already spoken to the photographers, Mr. France, sir. They don’t have it.”

Hope was drenched with the cold waters of despair.

“Is that so?” Spain said with his usual smile. “So, that must mean it‘s…”

“Goooooooooooooooooooooone!” bellowed France, his arms and hands outstretch towards the heavens. “It’s gone! It’s gone! It’s gone! Someone stole her! Someone stole the Mona Lisa!”

“Imagine that…” the museum employee softly muttered.

“God, why!” He looked upwards at the ceiling again and continued pleading to the power above. “Why was she stolen?! Oh God, why! Why, God, tell me! Tell me! Who stole her?!”

The room was otherwise silent save for France’s frantic breathing. Slowly he lowered his head as he knew no divine answer would come. What was he to do? How could he ever recover the…

“Ummm,” a quiet voice spoke, “should we, like, do something?”

France’s head snapped back up, and he looked over his shoulder at the three nations behind him. That’s right…

“You!” He pointed a finger at England who jumped back at the sudden movement. “You always wanted Gioconda, didn’t you! You slimy English bastard!” Before England could defended his innocence, France turned to the other two countries. “Or maybe you, Spain! Or Poland!” His eyes quickly darted back and forth to each one, and he spoke in a low, menacing voice. “Or are all of you in on it?”

Poland rolled his eyes, tilted his hips, and held up his hand; obviously for France to totally talk to it. “Like, whatever.” 

Spain lightly laughed. “France, why would I steal it from you? We’re friends remember.” He smiled, not nervous in the slightest. “Oh!” An idea popped in his head, and he glanced over to England. “England though…” Something flickered in Spain‘s eyes, like a blinding white light surrounded by darkness, and his usual cheerful smile seemed almost sinister. “England does have quite a reputation though. You know…as a pirate.” England’s eyes shot open wide and his face started turning a hue of blue. Spain continued, the same big smile on his face and his eyes closed. “Those pirates are notorious for stealing!” 

England didn’t even to look up to feel France’s burning gaze on him. He knew he was already blamed for this and a fight would soon erupt. Sure, he loved kicking France’s ass, but they should be using their energy to find the real culprit. Not over a long grudge! Besides…France, with a newly acquire menacing aura around him and dull eyes, looked seriously scary. England didn’t want to get his ass kicked.

“Oh, big brother France!”

…Or maybe not.

“Big brother France, I finally found you!” cheered the happy Italy. France found it hard to keep up his intimidating aura up with the bubbly Italian around. “I didn’t think I’d ever find you. I forgot how big this place is, and…”

“Italy, you idiot! I’m just about to fight England!”

“Huh?” Italy looked over to England, but got distracted by Poland and Spain waving ‘hello’ to him. “Hey, guys! You’re here too! Wow, that’s so great!”

“Yeah totally! It‘s been like for-evah since I saw you!”

“Ah, lil Italy! You keep getting taller and taller.”

Amidst their chatter, France felt his strength and anger coming back. “Doesn’t anyone care that the Mona Lisa has been stolen!” France screamed at the top of his lungs. Everyone froze, except for the two ladies who took their cue to leave (they weren‘t going to get anything out of the powerful man now), and the museum employee who rolled his eyes at France for saying what he said not to long ago.

“Wha?!” Italy looked and finally saw the Mona Lisa no longer hanging in its proper place. “Oh no! This is terrible, brother!”

“Yes,” England nervously spoke up. He hoped this would work… “I mean…The Mona Lisa was done by a famous Italian painter.”

“Yeah. Leo painted it…” Italy remembered.

“Absolute travesty it was stolen…” England continued with more confidence. “Then again…you would know about stolen paintings…Right?” His voice stretched. “Italy?”

Italy patted his fist in his palm. “You’re right: I do! Big Brother France took a lot of my paintings from me. Ah,” he looked over, his large bulky coat he wore in the hot summer weather swishing in the process, to France, whose dull gazed now fell upon Italy, “but now that France knows how it feels to have a painting stolen from him, maybe he could return my paintings?”

Italy‘s shrilled screams filled the museum as France attacked him. 

“Well, I’m off.” England briskly walked away from the carnage.

“Haha! Where do you think you’re going?” Spain asked plainly and gave chase.

“Like omigod, Italy! Wait here!” As if Italy had any choice with France holding him down and ripping off his clothes. “I’m gonna get help!” and Poland ran to find someone to help him save his old pal from the terrifying France.

“You stole it! Didn’t you?!” France yelled as he searched through Italy’s torn clothes. “Didn’t you?! Didn’t you?!”

“Ahhh! No, brother, I didn’t!” Italy cried. 

“Don’t lie to me! I know you did! Where is it?! Where is it?! Where is it!?”

“Ow! Ow! Brother, you’re hurting me!”

“Mr. France, sir!” The museum employee spoke up. “Please, stop! There are children present!” He pointed to a group of school children, who had the misfortune of arriving at that moment.

“Children, cover your eyes!” shouted their teacher.

Soon Italy was completely naked, tattered clothing laying everywhere, yet no painting was to be found.

“S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-see, brother?” Italy’s tears laid in puddles. “N-n-n-n-n…I-I-I-I-I-I didn’t s-s-s-s-s-steal it.”

“He’s right, Mr. France, sir,” The museum employee said after he checked the rags. “It’s not here and there’s no where else he could be hiding it.”

“No where else, huh?” France darkly asked looking down at the shivering Italian. “Absolutely no where at all?” Italy saw where France gaze went and instantly brought his legs together. 

“Mr. France, sir, I don’t under…oh no!” The employee grabbed France from behind. Italy didn’t even need his cues to escape. He ran as fast as he could, crying all the way.

“Get back here!” France yelled at the top of his lungs and, with a burst of strength, force the employee off him. “You won’t get away!” he screamed as he bolted after Italy.

Meanwhile 

“You think you could behave yourself for one hour, brother.” Germany complained as he and Prussia headed for the exit.

“The hell you blaming me for? It was that aristocrat’s fault.”

Germany sighed. It wasn’t long after they met up with Austria and Hungary did Prussia almost instigated a fight “Whatever the reason,” he knew pursuing the matter would do no good, “we should go before any of this art gets destroyed.”

“Hey! Hey! Stop treating me like I’m a Philistine! Sheesh, you are such a nerd.”

Germany lifted one of his eyebrows. “Excuse me?” he dryly asked.

“You heard me. Here you are wanting to see these boring painting, geeking out over your childhood hero, and getting all fan boy about meeting his successor. Man!” Prussia shook head. “I know you can’t be as awesome as me, but do you have to be so freakin’ lame?”

Before Germany could administer a thorough verbal lashing at his older brother, a raged filled, manly screamed came from down the hallway. They both jerked their heads to see what beast made this noise. What this the cause of that girly scream earlier?

“Is…that…” Germany trailed off finally seeing who it was.

“France?!” Prussia yelled at his old friend. “What’s happen?”

France skidded to a halt in front of them. “Where is he?!” He roared as if he didn’t knew Prussia and Germany. “Where is that dirty little thief?!” His howling resonating off the walls.

“Uuh…err…aah…” said both the very confused and very shocked Germany and Prussia.

“Argh!” France, deeming no information would come out of them, took off in his wild rampage. “I’ll get you!” 

The two brothers stared uncomfortably (like a train wreck) at the fleeting feral France until a new voice caught their attention.

“Oh no! Was Mr. France down here?” the museum employee asked.

“Yes…” Germany said. “Did this thief…steal his clothes?”

“Clothes?” 

“He’s buck naked!” Prussia shouted.

The museum employee mouth fell open; his face completely perplexed.. “W…why would France be naked?”

“That’s what I’m wondering….” Germany muttered.

Prussia shrugged and answered their question: “He’s France.”

Another round of screaming filled the halls, and the desperate museum employee ran towards the noise. “Ah! Mr. France, sir!” 

Germany pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let’s leave, brother.”

Prussia nodded. “Nerd.”

In another part of the museum, Italy hid behind a pillar, shaking and shivering feverishly. “Ah, Brother France is so scary right now,” he said to himself. “I’ve never seen him this scary before. Ah! And he want to search everywhere on me! Scary…” he cried. “On top of that, I’m naked, which isn’t normally a problem, but I was very cold this morning, and that’s why I wore that coat, and then he had to go and rip it up and…” Italy stopped his babbling and tensed up. He felt hot breath on the back of his neck, and heard heavy breathing. More tears fell.

“It-tal-llllllllllliiiiiieee”

“Waaaaaaaah!” and the chase began again, however, with no head start for Italy. 

“You won’t escape, you filthy thief!”

“I didn’t steal it, brother! Honest!” Italy’s cries fell on deaf ears. 

“Getyougetyougetyougetyou~” France chanted.

Through his tears, Italy saw they were approaching the end of an exhibit. He turned left and hoped to see the exit. Instead he saw a flock of nuns, who had the misfortune of arriving at that moment, filling the hallway. 

“Eep!” The thought of going the opposite right barely crossed his mind as France almost grabbed him. “Aaah! Waah!” He charged forward. “I’m sorry, sisters!”

The nuns gasped and screamed as, not one, but two naked men pushed and rushed past them. They all blushed, some couldn’t even suppress their smiles, and crossed themselves.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before Italy’s low stamina caught up to him and his pace began to falter. France wasted no time in tackling him down.

“No, big brother!” Italy screamed as France pinned him down. 

“Give it back!” His hand threatening.

“I don’t have it! Please don’t do that! Please! I’m still a virgin! I-”

Clang!

France fell forward, unconscious, with a new formed lump on his head. Italy tilted his head to see his savior. “Ms. Hungary!” 

“See, like I told ya I’d get help!” Poland peeked from behind Hungary and smiled. 

“For goodness sakes, Italy!” Austria took off his coat, casually tossed France aside, and covered Italy with it. “What are you doing running around naked?” He didn’t really need a reason for why France was naked: That was no mystery.

Once Italy got up, he hugged all three and told them how France thought he stole the Mona Lisa, and how happy he was to see all them, etc., etc.

They’d left by the time the museum employee found his country, stark naked, ass up in the air, and groaned at how this man was suppose to represented their country. On top of all that…

“The Mona Lisa is still missing!” 

The famous painting had actually been stolen the day prior by the one of the maintenance workers, an Italian. The Mona Lisa was eventually recovered. One whole year later. 

“Dammnit! We almost got it back!”


End file.
